not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
