I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
