I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
