hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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