May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
