Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize