THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
