Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
