She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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