I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
organizing the empties. That sober.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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