I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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