I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
