you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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