so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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