Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
