There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
