i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
