ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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