just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I'm at about main and main street
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
