I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
