So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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