RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
