It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
