I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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