I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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