today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
He did a backflip because drugs
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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