I'd wear matching sweaters with you
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Randomize