You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
