I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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