why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
