Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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