He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
then he tried to convert me to islam
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
