I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
