I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
