I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
