Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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