dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
