Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
COCAINE IS GR8
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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