after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
