i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
