can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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