she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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