i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize