I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
