Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
