from now on my penis is your penis
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize