I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
