apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
So I just went to clothing optional bar
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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