in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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