You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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