I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
