he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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