Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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