there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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