i permit you to call me
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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