You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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