I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
