So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
