You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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