is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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