So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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