I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
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