I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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