She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I FOUND THE LEGS
The dick lei will go down in squad history
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
