you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
