If that was your dad, he is hot
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
