you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
