just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
