At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
