You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
